Missed Opportunities

Life is full of opportunity.  Sometimes you don’t recognize it until it’s too late.  Then sometimes you’re just at the right place at the right time when the planets align and prime opportunity presents itself.  When you find yourself in that situation, you grab hold of that opportunity and you OWN it.

My husband totally blew it this weekend.  You just don’t get many opportunities in life like he got Saturday night, and he totally blew it.

We were in PetSmart.  I had to pee, so I went to the restroom while he was standing in line.  When I made it back to the checkout counter, he was giggling like a schoolgirl.  I was all, “What’s so funny?”  Between giggles he was like, “I’ll tell you in a minute.”

He giggled through the rest of the transaction.

As we made our way back to the car he told me why, and I was so disappointed in him.

When he swiped his debit card and went to enter his PIN, the cashier, referring to their new touch-screen credit card machine, said, “It’s real sensitive.  You don’t have to pound it.”

And my husband did NOT say, “That’s what she said.”

***SIGH***

I thought I knew him better than that.

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Good Genes…Some Got ’em, Some Don’t

I’ve mentioned it here and there before, but let me just put it right out there for you as bluntly as I can.  My husband does NOT make the best lifestyle choices.

1.   He smoked for years (but is now almost three years smoke-free!!!).
2.   He does not exercise–and he will argue with me when I tell him that even though he’s physically active with his job it’s not the same as good ol’ cardio.  (He’s one of those loathsome people who have never HAD to exercise to maintain their physique.  He used to lift weights but hasn’t in years.)
3.   He eats like shit!  McDonalds or bologna and cheese EVERY day for lunch.  And on the nights that I cook something that he deems unfit for his palate (read: vegetables), you’ll find him eating a frozen pizza.  Washing it all down with Coca Cola Classic with Little Debbies for dessert.  That is at least two nights a week.  A couple of nights ago I made curried quinoa with a buttload of roasted carrots, broccoli, and asparagus (I realize that might not all go together, but it was in the fridge and needed to be used up!).  He wouldn’t even try it.  And it was freakin’ delicious, if I do say so myself.

Combine these habits with the fact that his dad and all his dad’s brothers had heart attacks and/or bypass surgeries before their mid-50s, and you can see why I would be concerned.  And why hubby SHOULD be concerned.  But I’ve never been able to get him to take it seriously, or even get a physical for that matter. 

So how happy was I when our insurance agent told us that a physical was mandatory in order to purchase a new life insurance policy!

The agency sent an EMT to the house to check him out real good and draw blood.  We just got the results of his blood work back, and guess what.

HEALTHY AS A FRIGGIN’ HORSE.

Please don’t misunderstand me.  I’m ridiculously happy that my husband is healthy and will be around for a looooooooong time to come.  But REALLY???  Not even a little bit of high cholesterol so I can say, “I told you so!”  Not even just a LITTLE glucose in the urine to give me some ground to stand on when I tell him he’s got too much sugar in his diet?

I haven’t had my physical yet, but I’m telling you right now that when I do, if my blood work comes back as being less healthy than his I’m hanging up my running shoes, withdrawing from the marathon, and entering the nearest hot dog eating contest.

Insanity Loves Company

I love my husband. I really, really, really do. He’s my best friend in the whole world, my soul mate, and the love of my life. But some of the things he does drive me absolutely INSANE! At the very top of this relatively short list is this: I hate clutter, and HE. IS. A. SLOB. I’m not talking about as far as his PERSON goes. He is always very well put together–hair and clothes and such. I’m talking about his personal space. He does pretty good about keeping his messes in the general living area that we share to a minimum. But there are parts of the house that I consider to be HIS. He has HIS garage, HIS media room, and HIS shipping room. I don’t even like to look at these spaces, much less go in them. And God forbid I try to clean any of them. They might be a disaster area, but he knows exactly where everything is. So I let him have his space in which to relish in his slobbiness.

Hubby’s computer desk:

He repairs and builds computers, so there are forever computer guts strewn all over it. What can I say, though? It makes him a living!

The shipping room:

Again, work related. Most of the computers that he builds end up being sold on eBay. Hence the need for a shipping room. Likewise, most of the parts that he buys are bought online and shipped to him, so he has a huge stockpile of boxes. Some get reused, but most end up going to the recycling facility.

The garage.


The hubby is also a licensed electrical contractor. The garage is where all of his electrical tools and supplies live.

So what about you guys? Does your significant other/kid/roommate have a habit or hobby that drives you nuts?

FedEx SUCKS!!!

And I’m not just saying that because I work for the competition (U.S. Postal Service). I’m saying that totally as a customer. FED. EX. SUCKS.

Tuesday – Come home to find a door tag on the door where they had attempted to deliver a package. The delivery guy checked the box that says, “Signature required in person at this address” and marked the “2nd notice” box. We never received a 1st notice. No big deal. The bottom of the door tag has a thingie on it that says that we can sign and leave it back on the door so they can leave the package.

Wednesday – Hubby signs the door tag and puts it back on the door. We go to work. I get home first and find that they have left another door tag marked “Final notice” and underlined thickly and heavily (in a very smartass way) the “in person” part of the signature requirement. Hubby calls the 800# on the tag and gives them an alternate address to deliver to because HELLO we actually have to work for a living and aren’t home during the day. The woman on the phone tells him no problem, it will be delivered to his mom’s place on Thursday.

Thursday – Hubby receives a phone call from the delivery hub informing him that they’ve already attempted to deliver the package three times and they aren’t going to send it out again. Long story short and PG13 rated, the bitch on the phone flat-out refused to put the package on the truck coming to our town today and told him he was going to have to come pick it up. The delivery hub is in Humboldt, which is almost an hour away. HUBBY IS PISSED. The gas to go pick the package up is going to cost more than the actual item itself. All it is is a cord to a power supply for a laptop that he is repairing. Nevertheless, he has to have this part, so he has no choice but to drive the hour to pick it up. He left here about 5:30 this afternoon, and at 6:50 I get this text: “Yeah, I’m really pissed the f*** off now. Just got a f*****g ticket in this f*****g crack whore town.” (Hubby is very eloquent, is he not?) So now this less-than-$20 part is going to cost us God only knows what because the people at FedEx are a bunch of douchebags.

SUCK IT, FEDEX!

Oh, and by the way, Adam is giving away a $50 gift certificate to Road Runner Sport, and Rad Runner is giving away some Bradford Tonic. This is my attempt to win one of those things. Hmmm… I wonder if the Gibson County General Sessions Court accepts Road Runner Sports gift certificates as payment towards speeding tickets?