I’ve been trying to process something for a while now, and I think writing it out may help me talk myself through it.  Since my husband lost his mother in August, I’ve come to sort of a realization.

Life goes on.  No matter how hard you worked, how much money you had, how important you were, when you’re gone, you’re gone.  Your things will be sold and donated.  Your family will get up and go to work.  Your spouse will date again–sooner than you think.  Your children will miss you.  Terribly.  But even for them, life goes on.  Just as it should.

So that means for someone like me, who has no children, it’s made me realize how truly insignificant I am.  If life goes on so quickly for everyone after losing someone as remarkable as my mother-in-law, I’ll be forgotten before I’m cold.

I’m not saying all this because I’m depressed or anything.  In reality, if anything it’s right the opposite.  It’s almost liberating.  Through lots of thought and reflection, I’ve learned and come to accept several things.

DON’T give two shits about what people think of you when truthfully they very seldom do.  (I’m just talking about people in general here, not family.)  The harsh truth is that most people do not care about you and will not miss you, so why waste time and energy trying to please them?

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.”  — Diane Von Furstenburg

DON’T care so much about material possessions.  They will only end up in your beneficiaries’ yard sales.

ALWAYS take responsibility for your own happiness.  Don’t sit at home waiting for someone else to make you happy while they’re out living their own dreams.  No one can make you truly happy but you.  Spend YOUR time doing what’s important to YOU.

DON’T deprive yourself now because you think you have to save for later.  Yes, it’s important that you take retirement into consideration, but there are no guarantees that you’ll live that long.  Don’t go to your death bed with a large 401K but a long bucket list.

DON’T fret over finding your life’s purpose.  You may never do that.  An extraordinary existence may not be your destiny.  And that’s okay.  So don’t waste so much time looking for the extraordinary that you miss all the beauty and joy in the perfectly ordinary.

In the grand scheme of thing, we are all so very insignificant, and to think otherwise is arrogant.  And for some reason, that realization has been so refreshing for me.  Like it takes some of the pressure off.  That person doesn’t like me?  Who cares?!  Fuck ’em!  No one will remember her in 50 years either.

From this day forward, I vow to embrace my insignificance.  The plan from now on is to live like a dog!  haha


2 thoughts on “Insignificant

  1. I need that last image on a poster. Or a tee shirt. It’s a really tough balancing act with living each day to the fullest and not burning out. I have yet to figure it out. On the other hand, I am much closer to living without caring what others think. Who cares? Their problem, not mine 🙂


  2. What a great list of reminders, and a beautiful overall lesson to take away from her passing! It’s all so true… people waste so much time worrying about others and what they think, but no one, not even our spouses, ever care as much about our stuff, as we do. Whenever people get all worked up about what others think, I tell them that. Really, no one cares but you. LOL. So, do you. Make you happy.

    It’s interesting to me that you wrote “your spouse will date again – sooner than you think.” Steven’s mom passed just over four years ago and I think a partner would really help his dad, but I don’t see that happening… ever. 😦 Sigh.


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